is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
