I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
A+ Viking dick
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
