I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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