for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
