I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
