you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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