Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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