I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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