he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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