After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
