I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
