there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Randomize
