Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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