around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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