bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
