i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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