careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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