I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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