Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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