Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.