Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

We're facebook friends in real life

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(561): We're facebook friends in real life http://tfl.nu/e7wr

Replies (2) Good night (974) Bad night (1014)
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(419): View more from Ohio

it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.

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(419): it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants. http://tfl.nu/uvta

Replies (40) Good night (3265) Bad night (691)
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(404): View more from Georgia

What are you wearing to our high school reunion?

(678): View more from Georgia

I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"

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(404): What are you wearing to our high school reunion? (678): I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?" http://tfl.nu/i3zg

Replies (27) Good night (4503) Bad night (589)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.

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(703): I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history. http://tfl.nu/nchu

Replies (13) Good night (1325) Bad night (3188)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".

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(785): Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets". http://tfl.nu/227d

Replies (16) Good night (1177) Bad night (4500)
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(303): View more from Colorado

The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened

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(303): The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened http://tfl.nu/m273

Replies (3) Good night (3730) Bad night (1265)
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(734): View more from Michigan

The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.

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(734): The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me. http://tfl.nu/j8wb

Replies (6) Good night (877) Bad night (1649)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

my head hurts. i need an adult

(225): View more from Louisiana

and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult

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(225): my head hurts. i need an adult (225): and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult http://tfl.nu/wl1h

Replies (4) Good night (2019) Bad night (682)
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(406): View more from Montana

we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig

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(406): we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig http://tfl.nu/68f1

Replies (7) Good night (589) Bad night (1986)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.

(336): View more from North Carolina

You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.

(704): View more from North Carolina

Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive

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(704): His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be. (336): You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver. (704): Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive http://tfl.nu/8bf5

Replies (7) Good night (1384) Bad night (549)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.

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(734): Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely. http://tfl.nu/t2kt

Replies (10) Good night (1445) Bad night (766)
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(226): View more from Ontario

You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"

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(226): You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!" http://tfl.nu/6320

Replies (1) Good night (749) Bad night (340)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make

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(202): Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make http://tfl.nu/yoxd

Replies (5) Good night (325) Bad night (808)
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(303): View more from Colorado

IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'

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(303): IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN' http://tfl.nu/e3tp

Replies (0) Good night (507) Bad night (185)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.

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(704): no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot. http://tfl.nu/ubnf

Replies (2) Good night (662) Bad night (169)

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