Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now