i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
