it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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