Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
