I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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