I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
