He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
