im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
