and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
