y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
