I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
