i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
