Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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