So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
