I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I cut my penus on the lid.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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