Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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