The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
