But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We need to rekindle our bromance
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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