just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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