I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
