Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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