The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
