So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
