i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
