god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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