She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just forgot I was standing up.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
