i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
