Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
