I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
