i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
