she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
