just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
