I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Btw I puked in your glovebox
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
