I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
