i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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