All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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