just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
