does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
