I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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