T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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