Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
