Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
