hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
