Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
