I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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