dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
