If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
